Things We Never Thought Would Come Out of Our Mouths When We Thought About Becoming Parents*
Part I
by the Happy Yet Often Bewildered Parents of Three Fantastic Children
* but which actually did.
One day while talking to my older sister Nancy (the mother of four terrific boys) on the phone, she excused herself for a moment, turned to her youngest son and said "Do NOT stand on the dog!". That absurdly funny moment launched this list which has since resided on the side of our fridge for convenient updating. I will post more installments in the future. We have plenty more where these came from. (p.s. the dog was fine.)
Please wait until you are off the toilet to play the harmonica
Please don’t use your toes to pick up your toast
Girls, stop arguing about whether Brendan’s freckles can be your pets!
Don’t drink out of the ketchup bottle
Do not draw pictures on the church windows with your spit
THERE IS NO SCREAMING DURING THE ROSARY!
I know your bologna is on your head. The question is, why?
Don’t give ANYONE a haircut.
Please stop ramming me with the grocery cart.
Stop smearing yogurt on your arms.
What a nice big poop!
Don’t dip your sister’s underwear in the dog’s water.
Don’t put your paci in the dog’s mouth.
We do NOT drink from the dog’s bowl.
Close your mouth – no talking AT ALL! Yes, hiccups are okay.
Whatever it is you are doing, stop it!
I am not a sniff machine.
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